


the night has left us

by Rethira



Category: Tales of Xillia 2
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-19 01:51:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4728296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rethira/pseuds/Rethira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Go and make your perfect world, he'd said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the night has left us

Ludger doesn’t do it on purpose – he doesn’t go into the fractured dimension thinking, _I can get Julius back_ or anything like that.

But Julius is there when he destroys the catalyst – a dog, twisted into something monstrous – and it’s natural, so very natural, for Ludger to just reach out for him.

When Ludger does it, he’s actually thinking _goodbye_.

Except that when the light clears and Ludger can see that they’re all back, his hand is still tight around Julius’ wrist, and Julius is blinking away the light and he says, “Ludger, what-” and it’s just too much, far, far too much.

He cries against Julius’ chest, soothed by Julius’ hand carding through his hair, and Julius is humming the Hymn of Proof and all the while Ludger thinks, _but you’re_ not _Julius_ , and hates himself for it.

(After all, if Elle is the real Elle – and of course she is, of course she is – and Milla was just as real a Milla as the one with them now, then how is this Julius any different?

Perhaps it’s simpler than that; he’s not _Ludger’s_ Julius, and that’s what matters.)

 

The soul bridge is still there. Ludger closes his eyes and ducks his head against Julius’ shoulder – they’d been worried that the bridge might have disappeared, but apparently Julius’ soul bridge is different enough from- from another Julius that neither of them will disappear.

“That’s me, isn’t it?” Julius asks. He’d been bewildered, but- but their dimensions were close. Close enough that Julius mostly doesn’t need an explanation for anything.

“Yes,” Milla says. “The other Julius gave his life so that we might save the world.” She makes it sound very dignified. Very important.

Mostly the soul bridge just makes Ludger cry.

Julius deserved better.

This Julius smiles. His arm tightens around Ludger’s waist. “I’m glad,” he says. “I always thought- if I had to choose a way to go... there are worse things.” His eyes crinkle. Ludger bites back his tears.

“We should go now,” Gaius says, and he’s right – they’ve dallied too long. _Ludger’s_ dallied too long.

He has to go see Elle. He made a promise after all, and even... even this isn’t an excuse to be late.

(“You’re not. You’re not a replacement,” Ludger tells him, before they leave.

“I know,” Julius replies, and he looks at Ludger like he’s something sad and precious and broken, “you’re not a replacement either,” and it _hurts_ to know, to remember that this Julius had a Ludger of his own.

It’s very selfish of him to want to be first in this Julius’ heart, even when this Julius can never be first in Ludger’s.

“I’m sorry,” Ludger says, and those two words can never be enough for what Ludger’s already put him through.)

 

In the end, Ludger only knows this Julius for a day or two – time gets a little mixed up in Canaan, and in fractured dimensions, but it doesn’t feel like very long at all.

Julius is there at the end, fighting beside Ludger; it’s something Ludger never really did with his Julius. Fought _against_ him, yes, but not with.

It’s a good memory, Ludger decides, even if it ends when Bisley casts Julius aside and crushes both of their stolen watches into dust.

And then Elle is on her feet, her watch – Victor’s watch – bouncing around her neck and she’s shouting, “ _Ludger!_ ” and it’s so easy- for her, Ludger would do anything. Anything at all.

That doesn’t change when Origin’s asking – the choice is there in front of him. Save everyone, or save Elle. _You can’t have both_ , the choice suggests, but Ludger doesn’t need to have them at all.

Save everyone _and_ save Elle, and if Ludger won’t be around to see it... that’s only right. That’s only fair.

Anything for her.

She still cries though. She sobs, even though she understands, and maybe this is how Julius felt, right at the end.

Go and make your perfect world, he’d said.

Ludger’s perfect world includes Elle, but it also includes Julius. He looks over at Julius – the other Julius, the Julius who maybe isn’t Ludger’s but could have been, and was another Ludger’s, and is just as real as any other Julius is or was or could be – and...

And maybe this is a subtle apology from the spirits. You lost one brother, and that will never stop hurting, but your perfect world can still exist.

Julius walks over, slowly, and his face is grim and ashen. He folds himself limply against Ludger’s side, and murmurs, “I love you,” and then it’s his turn to cry against Ludger’s shoulder.

Ludger hums. It’s only fitting.

(They’re all crying at the end, Ludger, Julius and Elle. Folded against each other, tangled close, and Elle and Julius are holding him like maybe if they hold on tight enough, Ludger won’t have to go.

But when the light clears and the humming stops, it’s just the two of them, clinging to each other and sobbing raw and loud in the ringing silence.)

**Author's Note:**

> title from [ashes of dreams](http://nier.wikia.com/wiki/Ashes_of_Dreams)


End file.
